I give up on holding back my emotions. its over. lol
I want to be single.
I actually really enjoy being single.
But timing is everything.
If there is a wonderful man right in front of me, I am going to see whats up. I’m going to get to know them, see if I like whats being offered.
Boy, do I.
I don’t ever want to rush into anything… I want to keep an open mind, an open heart. I want God to show me the man I will spend the rest of my life with… I guess I’m just nervous I won’t be able to tell the difference.
this rant is pointless.
I attended a friends wedding today… and when the bride walked in it was beautiful of course, but then I noticed something that made me burst into tears.
When the Groom saw the Bride as she came towards him… his face just lit up. The Look he gave her was the most beautiful exchange of expression that two people could give each other.
THAT LOOK… Is what I want.
I could see how much he loved her, how he was just blown away by the woman walking towards him and how he was about to have her become his wife.
Oh goodness… the look I saw him give her cannot be described with mere words…
I just broke down crying it was so wonderful.
Thats what I want.
I want a man to look at me and give me The Look… I want to see how much they love me merely by the way they look at me.
I’m excited to find that man, to be treated like his queen. To be gazed upon with all the love in their heart and soul.
Words are not enough.
After I decided I didn’t want to do that, I did it -____-
I kind of always felt rushed to find someone to get married to.
Even though I knew I had lots of time, I had a schedule.
Over the past 6 months I’ve realized that there is no need to rush it. I do not need to marry someone anytime soon.
What I am excited for though, is to fine The Man.
The one that God is going to give me that I get to spend the rest of my life with.
The one that will cherish me, love me, put me first.
One who has goals, dreams, desires, aspirations, and morals that align with mine.
Someone driven, who wants to take care of me and our future family.
I am so excited to meet him. Who knows, maybe I have.
Actually, I hope I already have.
I’ll be honest, I know I have been completely ridiculous and I have make completely ridiculous mistakes.
What I believe sets me apart is how aware I am of them and that even tho I have made them, I have learned from each and every one of them.
Sure, I screwed up a few times, I make myself look bad, I don’t quite care enough about what other people think- but it makes me, me.
I learn, I grow, I conquer.
I am a strong, intelligent, confident woman that anyone would be lucky to have in their life. I am not being cocky, I just have learned my worth.
I know when I do something risky, like say the situation I am in now.
But the end justifies what happened to get me there.
All of my ‘mistakes’ are worth it in the end if it gets me to the place that I should be at.
20 years from now it won’t even matter.
Awesome. I just turned into the other woman, in two separate situations.
This episode of Doctor Who literally brought me to tears. It is officially my favorite episode thus far.
Art. It really speaks to me.
The emotion in it all…
I may not be an artist, but I have the heart of one.
Is it sad I know I couldn’t live without you?
Even if I want to, I literally am stuck loving you.
Every other man wouldn’t fully get all of me. Because the most important little itsy bitsy part of me is super glued to you.
I honestly love someone and it doesn’t matter because a more important part of me is stuck loving you.
There are many different types of people and personalities. Some who are very emotional and others that are not.
There are people who live “averagely”, logically. They never have emotional highs or lows, so they’re just content all the time. This is a nice way to live I suppose, but I want more.
I’ve decided that I want to live off my emotions, I’ve been a mix of logic and emotions for so long that I have been unable to fully enjoy either.
So this summer, emotions it is.
If I feel like doing something, I will.
If I don’t feel like doing something, I won’t.
I plan on riding my emotional high until I decide I am done.
I am 20 right now. I will never be this age again.
I will never have this summer, these times, or moments ever again.
I realize more and more everyday how much the things we fill our lives with, the stuff we do - how none of it matters in the long run.
So thats why I am deciding to do this, for myself. I am not thoughtless or reckless - I am just having a good damn time. This may be the last chance to have a good time before I have to grow up.
Today I learned that a friend of ours, well yours, is going to propose within the next 6 months or so.
For some reason hearing this was very strange to me.
They started dating around the same time we did, but here we are - two completely different situations.
We are no longer together and they are making the decision to literally be together forever.
What went wrong?
It makes me sad, but not sad, but weird, but confused.
That could’ve been us.
It should’ve been us.
I literally could picture us growing up, getting married, having kids, being wrinkly together.
Loving each other the entire way, being kind and cute together.
I know what happened. Our personalities happened.
It is just hard to deal with, its hard to think about what could’ve, what should’ve been.
I wanted to marry you.