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Honestly I just do not give a shit about much right now.

And I am happy.

I am just worrying about myself.

But I do not want to hurt anyone. But right now I just want to chill.

Figure things out.

RELAXXX.

I love you and I love us and I love so much in this world that I just need to go away.

India, change my life.

You and I, we live in this box.

Our box is in black and white.

Don’t get me wrong, it is a beautiful box.

It has everything to make me comfortable and I am very happy inside of our box. 

I look around our small box, all the wonderful things inside of it.

The things that make me so happy. How happy you make me!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with our box, I could live in that box with you forever and be happy.

But sometimes, I look up and I see the top of the box, the folds where it opens up and it calls me over to go take a peek… 

As i look through the slit of the folds, my eyes open wide and my senses come alive.

I look outside of the box and I see endless color.

Hues and shades from the entire spectrum. 

These are colors that I did not even realize I lacked inside of our box.

It almost seems like there is no end to what is outside.

So I savor every moment until I am mandated to come down.

Back into our box - where the colors are dull, because they are not there.

How is one supposed to sit in the midst of winter in Narnia, when you know Aslan is sitting outside waiting to show you an endless summer.

my birthday is coming up.

and I have no friends.

thats cool.

looks like I’m not doing anything for my birthday.

Happy 20th to me.

I haven’t written a text post in a long time.

I’m not sure if it is because I do not want to get personal on my blog anymore or if I have nothing to say.

Its like I have all these feelings bottled up inside.

Anger, love, sadness, pain.

But I cannot seem to sit down and let it out.

idk.

What am I doing.

thats all I can say.

I miss having somewhere to be completely honest.

Where I didn’t have to worry about what I said and who would read it.

A place where I could bounce my thoughts off of a wall.

Figure stuff out.

I would give anything to have tiny boobies -__-

I don’t really care about much anymore.

I use to give 10000% of myself into my relationship. Pretty much the best girlfriend ever, I’d do anything for you.

Cook, bake, anything you wanted, anything that would make you happy or brighten your day. LOTS of extras.

But I don’t really care anymore.

I am mediocre now.

The more I freaking love someone the more I am a girl.

I HAVE EMOTIONS WHAT IS THIS MESS.

My hormones are going crazy, I just cant.

I’m a big fat girl who is in love and has emotions.

blaaahhhh.

awkward moment when you write a post about someone and then someone ELSE replies to it thinking its about them… when its not…

Red octagonal shapes.

Directing the traffic to stop.

So insignificant and mundane.

No one knows the value I have put into these red shapes

that hang so unnoticed on metal poles

throughout our cities, towns and neighborhoods.

Let me take endless photographs

and mail you the film

with my .45 cent stamps.

So you can share in the memory of my precious stop signs.

Of all the stops signs I see

I long to feel all the kisses I’ve missed,

the kisses I’ve lacked.

The ones I will never receive.

I thought today was a terrible day.

I just felt so lost and stuck in my own head…

But really, it wasn’t that bad

I had to wake up early and didn’t sleep much, but the sun shined today.

My car was stuck in the snow, but someone came out of nowhere and helped me.

I had “me” time and got my nails done today.

I only had a 3 hour class, but it got out an hour and a half early.

All the negative things about today all had a positive twist!

These are the little things I feel that God does to make his children happy.

How gay is this.

I feel like Blair near the end of season 4.

Here she is with her charming Prince (literally) still in love with Chuck.

Chuck tells her that though they may have the great love, Louis (the Prince) is the right love.

The simple, light, not complicated love.

While Chuck is the intense, complicated, deep and dark love.

Which love is most important? Which comes only once in a lifetime?

Yet again, another virtually real dream. This is so odd, I really never remember these types of things. BUT I did.

Funny, the second dream was completely opposite to the first dream. Literally. Opposite.

I shall say no more.