I seriously hate weddings. I am not enjoying a single moment of planning any of this.
I want the day to come and go so I can be married and crawl into bed and sleep with my HUSBAND.
Seriously, people just go to weddings and judge you.
“Oh, that looks expensive”
"Wow, that is so cheap I cannot believe they did that, how tacky"
Really though, its all about how expensive everything looks, how formal, how much money you spent, and just a load of crap.
Yes, I do want my family and close friends to celebrate such a happy occasion with me, but at what expense?
IF we took the money that is being dished out for a 8 hour day we could have a nice down payment for a home, or pay off student loans. The possibilities are endless.
I am stuck.
This may sound lame, but it’s 12:05AM and still I have not received a single Birthday wish from anyone.
That may sound completely ridiculous, but there use to be a time in my life that my friends with flood my phone when the clock struck midnight.
I don’t like this whole growing up thing. Honestly, I’m not even excited about today.
I get to go hang out and have dinner with a handful of friends, an event which I myself had to plan out because I’ve never really have friends that put effort into ever doing much for me.
I don’t want to sound completely ungrateful.
But this year is just different… Is this growing up? If so- let me out.
There are so many other people who deserve to be grieving, more so than I, yet here I am.
I am sad.
I didn’t lose a child, brother, or even a best friend.
But I did lose you, Steaven.
You, out of all people, do not deserve this.
Reading all the stories people are posting of you… it honestly just makes it harder on me.
How selfish is that?
I miss your laugh, your smile. Your jokes, your hair.
Of course, your hugs.
I miss our dates to Nikki’s/Daybreak/Baguette.
I miss our talks and driving in your car.
But now I have no one to longboard with.
Love you Steaven, rest in peace.
Today I lost someone I once called a dear friend.
Someone I shared many moments of laughter with, ate good food with and felt fat with. Someone who taught me how to long board, helped me master driving stick, and who always had kind words to say when I was feeling down.
Steaven Davis (or Lichtenwalter as of recent) thanks for everything.
Even if we weren’t family, even if I haven’t seen you in a while, you played a role in my life.
Things that today taught me:
Life is too short.
Life is oh so fragile.
The Devil is alive.
Jesus needs to come soon.
Everyone is valuable.
Steaven, I miss you.
I just tumblr stalked myself… way way back.
I am so sorry.
I cannot believe.. i just… wow.
If I could go back to handle things better I would.
I really just want to tell you I am SO sorry.
I have no words.
My mom just called me and was telling me how much she loves me, she started to cry because it hit her that her baby girl is grown up and getting married.
Wow. I am getting married.
I then also began to cry, and then we both sucked it up and got off the phone, haha.
I give up on holding back my emotions. its over. lol
I want to be single.
I actually really enjoy being single.
But timing is everything.
If there is a wonderful man right in front of me, I am going to see whats up. I’m going to get to know them, see if I like whats being offered.
Boy, do I.
I don’t ever want to rush into anything… I want to keep an open mind, an open heart. I want God to show me the man I will spend the rest of my life with… I guess I’m just nervous I won’t be able to tell the difference.
this rant is pointless.
I attended a friends wedding today… and when the bride walked in it was beautiful of course, but then I noticed something that made me burst into tears.
When the Groom saw the Bride as she came towards him… his face just lit up. The Look he gave her was the most beautiful exchange of expression that two people could give each other.
THAT LOOK… Is what I want.
I could see how much he loved her, how he was just blown away by the woman walking towards him and how he was about to have her become his wife.
Oh goodness… the look I saw him give her cannot be described with mere words…
I just broke down crying it was so wonderful.
Thats what I want.
I want a man to look at me and give me The Look… I want to see how much they love me merely by the way they look at me.
I’m excited to find that man, to be treated like his queen. To be gazed upon with all the love in their heart and soul.
Words are not enough.
After I decided I didn’t want to do that, I did it -____-